Loneliness 

On May 2nd, 2023, the US surgeon general declared loneliness an epidemic. A corresponding study found that a lack of social connection is as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. This nationwide finding is a concern that we all need to address, including in our own backyard. 

The church is a family where we can find purpose and meaning in relationships. Over the past few weeks at Gateway, we have been taking a closer look at our relationships as they fit into the larger context of our church family. We are exploring what it looks like to pursue things like wholeness, accountability, healing, and love—according to God—so that all of our relationships actually have a shot at getting better instead of remaining like they are, and have been, for so many of us: stuck, stagnant, on life support, or just nonexistent. 

Singleness

If you are single, you may be feeling a variety of emotions while reading this. Maybe you are feeling like all eyes are on you as the topic is brought up. Maybe you are preparing yourself for feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration about past relationships or the lack thereof. You may be feeling hopeless or skeptical because you have seen the church historically fumble the issue. 

As an unmarried person, your response to this conversation may not be hopelessness or skepticism, but sadness. Maybe your spouse left you suddenly, or you lost your partner to cancer, a car wreck, or suicide. You never planned for your life to look like it does now. 

The conversation on singleness is not just for single people. Married people, listen up. Austin consistently ranks in the top 25 for loneliest cities in the country, with the stats being even worse for men who are more likely to live alone than women. Austin is currently 58% unmarried, which means the majority of people in this city are unmarried. 

Additionally, Table for One ministries published an article calling out the reality that with 47% of the American population being single (Austin, by contrast, being significantly higher), only 23% of those singles are engaging with the church. They call single adults “the largest unreached people group in our communities.” 

All of this means that even if you are not currently single or unmarried, statistically, you are in the minority, and you probably know someone who is. There is no promise that marriage will solve the deep longings we all have to belong. Many of us married people never learned how to be single and now carry an unhealthy co-dependence on our spouse or kids. There is no promise that you won’t one day be single again. 

But Singleness Also Carries Blessings

1. Singleness is a gift from God

This season of life provides unique opportunities for growth, exploration, and service that may not be possible in other seasons. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” Therefore, singleness should be seen as a gift, not a curse, and should be celebrated as such.

2. Singleness gives you room for undivided focus on God and others.

Without the responsibilities of a spouse and children, single people are free to devote their time and energy to serving God and others. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, “An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided.” Therefore, singleness should be seen as an opportunity to deepen one’s relationship with God and to serve others with undivided attention.

3. Singleness allows you to focus on discovery and personal growth.

Without the distractions of a relationship, single people have the freedom to explore their interests, develop new skills, and pursue their passions. As Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Therefore, singleness should be seen as a time of discovery and personal growth, where one can develop their character, talents, and passions.

4. Singleness carries purpose right now IF the choice is made to embrace it.

Rather than waiting for a future relationship to provide meaning and purpose, single people can choose to embrace their singleness and find purpose in the present. As 1 Corinthians 7:17 says, “Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” Therefore, singleness should be seen as a season of purpose, where one can serve others, pursue their passions, and find meaning in their relationship with God.

5. Singleness gives you freedom to explore your calling.

Without the responsibilities of a relationship, single people have the freedom to explore their calling and pursue their passions. As 1 Corinthians 7:24 says, “Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.” Therefore, singleness should be seen as a time of freedom and exploration, where one can discern their calling and pursue their purpose with clarity and intentionality.